Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
as a side note pls kill me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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