Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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