Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
