My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
