Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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