that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
