I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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