I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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