dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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