Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
