and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
