Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
