i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
well most of my day revolves around power hour
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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