i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
