i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
