well most of my day revolves around power hour
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
