saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
