i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
