I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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