My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
