i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
