you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
