So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
