why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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