Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
