Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
