I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
