I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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