Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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