just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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