what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
