You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
