Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
