Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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