Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
