I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
