i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
