She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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