my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
