in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
