All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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