worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
