Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
