My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
