whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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