Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
