So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
