My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it's like iHOP with fire
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
