She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
