when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
