well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
